Friday, October 3, 2008

greys, moments, firsts and love

Meredith: Hey.
Derek: Hey. You almost died today.
Meredith: Yeah, I almost died today. [Derek is at a loss for words and starts heading to the door] I can't, I can't remember our last kiss. All I could think about was I'm going to die today and I can't remember our last kiss. Which, is pathetic but the last time we were together and happy, I... want to be able to remember that, and I can't. I can't remember.
Derek: I'm glad you didn't die today. [Starts to leave but stops] It was a Thursday morning, you were wearing that ratty little 'Dartmouth' T-shirt you look so good in, the one with the hole at the back of the neck. You'd just washed you hair and you smelled like some kind of...flower. I was running late for surgery, you said you were going to see me later, and you lean to me, put you hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick. Kind of like a habit. You know, like we'd do it everyday for the rest of our lives. And you went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed. [Derek starts to leave]
Meredith: Lavender. My hair smelled like lavender...from my conditioner.
Derek: Lavender. Huh. [Smiles then leaves]

Meredith: Just leave me alone.
Derek: I just want to make sure you're alright.
Meredith: No! I'm not alright? Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright. Because you have a wife, and you call me a whore, and our dog died, and now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Derek: I am not looking at you. I am not looking at you.
Meredith: You are looking at me. And you watch me. And Finn has plans. And I like Finn. He's perfect for me, and I'm really trying here to be happy, and I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that so just stop!
Derek: Do you think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married. I have responsibilities. She, she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands. Man, I would give anything not to be looking at you.


There are certain moments in your life that defines you. Certain moments you wish to remember the rest of your life, even if they were full of pain. The above lines kind of defines so much…it says so much…it is very easy to fall for someone, equally difficult to totally tailor him away from your life… you lie to yourself every day every night cause it doesn’t hurt you, but when the truth dawns on you it is suffocating. You tend not do so many things, you tend to tell every one around you that you are aright. But the truth is you are not alright. You are desperate to be….but you are not…
These moments are stitched to you; they are inseparable from your soul, from your mind. These moments define you. But, what about the painful moments? Moments which bring tear to your eyes, which makes you wish they never had become moments? What about them? How can one escape those memories which you wish to fade but they don’t?
When you are about to die, you would perhaps just remember one of the series of moments, it troubles me which one it would be…happy ones or sad?
Well you would say too early to think all this, but life is unexpected. You don’t know what will happen to you the next second. We aren’t any sage. We are normal beings who require affection and care. We always hope for someone to come in our lives. Someone…so many characteristics to it. He should be tall, fair, smart, an intellect, and a gentleman. But above all this superficial stuff, we crave for warmth, a touch of love. Difficult to have it all actually. Moments with your someone, is always full of memories, some sweet, some romantic some ugly and some so teary…that you wish it never happened.
Writing scrapbook always is fun, and there is always a spot which says define love…love for some is all the filmy stuff. For some it is unsaid and undefined. Then there are some for whom its always about money but for few its an enchanting feeling; feeling like no other. The kind of relationship Meredith and Derek share in the US sitcom Grey’s Anatomy is what love means to me. No matter how far you stretch away, one can never get out of it. Love surely happens n number of times, but there is one soul mate, one true love. Lucky individual happen to spend their life with them few don’t. And it is surely an agonizing time.
So coming back to the original stuff…moments…which ones are precious? Happy ones or sad? With family or with the loved one? Again too early, perhaps you would never really know. The truth would dawn on you when one is just about to say good bye to this world…till then it would be a mystery…
It was very fascinating to me while growing up that why are the first things so special? Like the first time you started to walk (our moms are the only people who could tell us that), the first time you said ‘ma’, first day to school, first crush, date, boyfriend, kiss. Love etc. it’s because we would not know the feeling surrounding it. It’s like an alien surrounding, which one has never entered. And the feeling upon trespassing is like no other. But when it happens the next time you already know how it feels. These firsts also are some precious moments.
What about those days which you wish never arrived, people you wish never came in your life…tricky. Now you can’t change that fact, so the solution is to accept it. But, then it’s difficult to accept it. As difficult to accept that you are wrong. Its nice to realize your wrongs early so that you could fix them up, but most of the time the realisation comes when the destruction has already been done…what a moment it would be to know that now things can never be changed again…
One of my friends got dumped recently and it was not a nice thing see her like that. So all night long she would tell me her ‘moments’ all negative ones she could remember at that time…after a week, she just remembered the nice ones the best ones with him. She said to me ‘although I got dumped but I will never be able to replace the amazing time I spent with him.’ so now she would remember the happier times with him. Good for her, but not every one is like her, we all after a break up tend to criticize the other one. I think that isn’t a great thing to do. What would one get criticizing her ex; I’d treasure all the memories and save it forever. As it defined me. To some it all;
Every day is precious,
Every day has a moment.
Moment’s make a lifetime…
….being in love is a moment
Being away from it also is a moment.
The firsts are moments
The last are as well.
So live life and define it.
Never criticize someone
Because someone would be doing
That to you as well.
And always be welcoming…..
When you meet someone
After years
Someone very dear,It would be a moment of your lifetime

Thursday, October 2, 2008

stop staring

You said that it
Was over,
And now,
You are trying to come closer.
Stop staring,
Stop breathing
Into my life again.

The blame game is over.
And you know
That I won the battle
In front of your mate.
The one who is swinging
Round you.
On this date.

You said that it
Was over,
And now,
You are trying to come closer.
Stop staring,
Stop breathing
Into my life again.

You wanted to run
Like always.
This time I didn’t
Stop you.
Tiered going around a maze.

Happier time with you are
Long over.
They are just so gone.
Be happy with your
Blond mate.
The one who is swinging
Round you.
On this date

You said that it
Was over,
And now,
You are trying to come closer.
Stop staring,
Stop breathing
Into my life again.

monoto.......yuk

for the past one fortnight i have been into medicines...one stupid thing will get over and the other would crop up.....there is no newspaper in my pg and that is also very irritating...i dont get to know whats going around me......my life presently is so monotonous that it smells stale....im craving to go home, craving to meet new people......the only thing which keeps me going is this internet...without wish i would probably hit myself on the wall

Saturday, September 27, 2008

you and me

What should I do?
Where should I go?
I know, no place
To go.

This cant be true.
We cant be through.
We were so near.

But now times have changed.
Now
Look it has rained.
My hopes
My dreams
My life is so free…

And I am no longer
Me.
It was just a dream…
You and me.
You and me.
You and me.

How can I live
When there is no faith
No faith that it exists.
That
Love exists.

What should I do?
Where should I go?
I know, no place
To go.

This cant be true.
We can’t be through.
We were so near.

But now times have changed.
Now
Look it has rained.
My hopes
My dreams
My life is so free…

And I am no longer
Me.
It was just a dream…
You and me.
You and me.
You and me.

what is...?

What is life?
Without sacrifice.

What is a kiss?
Without a risk.

What is love? Dear
Without a drop tea

Uncertainty fills our mind
All the time.

Chances we have to take
Even if our heart aches.

Friday, September 12, 2008

i will be fine

He comes to his beautiful nest with a heavy secret in his heart. He musters all the courage and sits with the women who means the world to him. All his promises to her are coming crashing down. As, his very own existence is in question. He knows he is dieing but he does not know how to tell her. How to tell to the women he loves?
After telling her so, she is broken. She can’t believe what she heard. How could this happen to her, to him. It was just not fair. Time was running away. He comes close to her and embraces her, to give her a false assurance.

I will be fine.
I know that.
It will take time.
I know that.
Till then,
Please be by my side.
As I am afraid to loose your sight.

In the brink,
of breaking up.
I am so shaking up.
To know that there
might be a day.
When I might
Not be there.

I will be fine.
I know that.
It will take time.
I know that.
Till then,
Please be by my side.
As I am afraid to loose you sight.


(There I go.
Do you know?
I am leaving you forever and ever.
To comeback; never and never)

I am afraid to loose your sight
So
Please be by my side.
I will be fine.
I know that it will take time.
I know that.
Till then,
Please be by my side.
As I am afraid to loose you sight.To loose you sight………….

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

holding your hand

Holding your hand.
I crossed all the tides.
Do you remember all those
Rides.
As I do.
Holding your hand.

My worries will be gone.
My smile is all that shone.
Holding your hand.

I was behind you.
My friend
My angle.
My hope
And my dreams.
Holding your hand.
Holding your hand.

You lost the grip.
And then I tripped.
I am lost. I cannot find you.

Tears are swimming in.
Please come so that they could
Remain in.
Come back
Please
Come back…

You held back my hands,
Held it as strong
As you never had.
I was now not
Walking behind you.

I was taking my chance.
I am going to be strong.
Without holding your hand.

I will cross the tide.
Cause I know…
You will be right by my side
Holding my hand
Holding my hand